An interesting piece at the iVillage states the conclusions of a recent study: Having a good, secure attachment as a baby, between the age of 1 to 18 months, will enable better conflict resolution and coping capabilities as an adult. The long-term research found that adults who had lesser quality attachments as babies, had difficulties leaving a conflict behind, whereas
"those who had more so-called 'secure' attachments to their childhood caregivers seemed to have less of a problem dealing with conflict in the present. In other words, caregivers who had more success regulating the negative emotions of their young wards instilled them with better coping skills for dealing with negative emotions as adults".
The researchers still found hope for those saddled with a less optimal past. Unsurprisingly, it turns out that the nature of the adult spouse can determine a lot. Having a partner who has a good ability to recover well from a conflict and leave negative emotions behind, that partner can be a guide for his less-capable spouse.
The researches expressed their optimism, admiring the strength and importance of the people we may meet later in our lives, who can change the consequences of what happened earlier.
As a parent, such an article gives us both another reason to be concerned about our quality as care-givers, and another bit of hope. Even if we failed to be optimal parents at our child's infancy, as hard as we strive for our best, we can try and make up later, by trying to teach our loved ones of the qualities they should seek in their spouses, so they can find happiness and peace in their adult life.
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